Jesus isn’t waiting for me anywhere. I nailed him
to a tree. A long time ago. And hell fires are extinct to me now. I can no more believe
in them than I can the idea that mercy was
coming for me and just lost its way.
I write this in a field – Gaia’s emerald hair is
what leaves this paper water damaged.
I am not crying now or even fighting tears,
If you could see me now you’d know
that I’m smiling. Like I never have before.
I do not know if we really take anything with us
when we leave this world. If we do,
you can know that I take with me love. The memory of every good thing I’ve done.
A life I saved.
Every person I met, every place that I shook,
every light I turned on near dark.
And for all my ghost, somewhere with me
even now –
The only selfish hope left in me is that
might finally relinquish them
to a smoked out sky.
If you need to know why,
I’m just a coward. I’m just scared of my
heart losing its last bit of goodness. And
I’m scared of causing any more pain.
I wish the best for every one of you. That you
might remember me fondly. That you
might smile when you think of me. And
that you will always do what is good. What
your heart tells you is right.
I don’t want anyone to carry blame. You were
all brilliant and beautiful. Every last one of you
in some way. And there was nothing more
you could have done.
If you feel you’ve wronged me in some way,
I forgave you a long time ago. And I wish
all the good in the world for you too.
Always try to find happiness. Live a good life.
I love you all.