An Emotionless Affair

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What you think you know of me, you’ve gleaned from pages of a yellow legal pad stained with sterile ink leaked from your doctor’s pen; it’s an emotionless affair, the goings-on between patient (me) and psychiatrist. I’m a mistress in hysterics seeking validation from just another goddamned man. If this were the nineteenth century, you’d have long sent me to an asylum, and had my womb mutilated by staff surgeons.

When I speak, you scribble, and I imagine you’re only illustrating me naked, sprawled upon the divan, jaundice skinned and lined with blue. Make me a whole person, you write (mocking me) inside a comic book word bubble inserted above my head. But I continue talking about how I feel since learning my mother had woken up dead, and the gut-fucking grief inside of me, because I do want to be a whole person.

It’s an emotionless affair, the goings-on between patient and psychiatrist.

And my imagination is a distrustful cunt.

 

(image: Artmajeur)

36 thoughts on “An Emotionless Affair

  1. Sometimes life just punches us right in the face, that son of a bitch! I can hear your heartache and anger at the unfairness of it all. Keep letting it spill… Love you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “When I speak, you scribble, and I imagine you’re only illustrating me naked, sprawled upon the divan, jaundice skinned and lined with blue. Make me a whole person, you write (mocking me) inside a comic book word bubble inserted above my head. But I continue talking about how I feel since learning my mother had woken up dead, and the gut-fucking grief inside of me, because I do want to be a whole person.”

    You are a whole person. You are not a cartoon and the words you say are important to me. YOU are important to me. I want you NOT to hurt…but you know this already. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re a big part of the reason I feel alive. I love you, and I appreciate you so deeply. You’ve always been a light, bright in my sky. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I feel exactly the same.

        “It seemed funny to me that the sunset she saw from her patio and the one I saw from the back steps was the same one. Maybe the two different worlds we lived in weren’t so different. We saw the same sunset.”

        S.E. Hinton

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Stunningly visceral. A knife to the gut. That crazy discombobulated tumble down the rabbit hole where nothing is proportioned correctly and of feeling numb and detached & everything all at the same time. Love you and bowing down in respect to your pain.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Well, here I sit, just another goddamned man, reading the wonderful writing from a dear friend whose imagination is a distrustful cunt. How fucking radical! And for the record, I love the workings of your mind. 😁💛

    Like

  5. Wow… I’m waiting for therapy (that’s how it is in the UK) and I’m dreading it. In fact, I don’t think it will help. What helps more is writing, being here, interacting,reading and some good inhalations at around 4.20….

    Hope you remember me….
    You’re excellent and stunning in your mind workings.
    Huge crush going on.
    Love to you 💙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Writing helps me most. Honestly, I only went to therapy for my sister. She’s having a tougher time than I am, and I think it’s because she doesn’t have the outlet that I do. The written word is my true savior.

      I’m happy to have the opportunity to become reacquainted with you and your own words. ❤ Peace and love to you! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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