Fault Lines- Varnika Jain

Fault Lines 3

I wonder when I started to see

Myself as the faults that resided in me.

When did I start feeling I

Lived to be of use to you.

My thoughts, desires, habits and views

Were obliterated with every complaining venom you spewed.

Seconds, minutes, hours and days

I spent devising ways and means

To make you happy and to make you smile

While I kept coming apart at the seams.

I saw not what I wanted to see

I thought not what I wanted to think

I did not what I wanted to do.

And yet, it was to no avail

Since you were always ready to bail

One foot outside the door you’d kept

Just in case I faltered and proved to be inept.

I looked in the mirror and took me in

You couldn’t tell me apart from a storefront mannequin.

Yet, by the time you left I was a raggedy doll

Discarded, battered and torn

As the years of abuse had taken its toll.

Today, I decided to not be forlorn

And shed off the facade I had worn.

I was amazed at the wondrous transformation

I was resplendent, divine, devoid of trepidation.

So now begins my journey, dear

To start living without your fear.

Stitching up every bleeding wound

Looking till my old self is found

The me that knew how to live

Before you held me captive.

I’ll fly and soar without bounds

And, finally, even your shadow wouldn’t be around.


Varnika Jain is prone to having verbal epiphanies in the midst of all the cacophony surrounding her life.  She is a voracious reader, vociferous eater and a vehemently passionate writer. You can read more of her writing at Moonlighting Scrivener where you can find her changing the world, one word at a time.

12 thoughts on “Fault Lines- Varnika Jain

  1. Really loved this piece! Very powerful and a wonderful transition you took us through!!! Bravo!
    My only question is – Why would the person in this piece stay or want to stay with someone that had one foot out the door as a sword over one’s head? Seems a question that deserves some exploration? Maybe!

    Like

    1. This is a brilliant description of the battles that someone deals with in an abusive relationship.
      The dynamics are complex, composed of societal demands, personal values and expectations, and often specific barriers to leaving such as financial, etc. Not to mention that when a batterer is particularly violent, the most dangerous time in the relationship is leaving. That is when more battered women are killed- as the batterer is desperate to maintain control.
      A better understanding of the dynamics of domestic violence would result in less offensive questions.

      Liked by 3 people

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