I wonder when I started to see
Myself as the faults that resided in me.
When did I start feeling I
Lived to be of use to you.
My thoughts, desires, habits and views
Were obliterated with every complaining venom you spewed.
Seconds, minutes, hours and days
I spent devising ways and means
To make you happy and to make you smile
While I kept coming apart at the seams.
I saw not what I wanted to see
I thought not what I wanted to think
I did not what I wanted to do.
And yet, it was to no avail
Since you were always ready to bail
One foot outside the door you’d kept
Just in case I faltered and proved to be inept.
I looked in the mirror and took me in
You couldn’t tell me apart from a storefront mannequin.
Yet, by the time you left I was a raggedy doll
Discarded, battered and torn
As the years of abuse had taken its toll.
Today, I decided to not be forlorn
And shed off the facade I had worn.
I was amazed at the wondrous transformation
I was resplendent, divine, devoid of trepidation.
So now begins my journey, dear
To start living without your fear.
Stitching up every bleeding wound
Looking till my old self is found
The me that knew how to live
Before you held me captive.
I’ll fly and soar without bounds
And, finally, even your shadow wouldn’t be around.
Varnika Jain is prone to having verbal epiphanies in the midst of all the cacophony surrounding her life. She is a voracious reader, vociferous eater and a vehemently passionate writer. You can read more of her writing at Moonlighting Scrivener where you can find her changing the world, one word at a time.