by Kindra M. Austin

I Hit a Dear with an Automobile Not Mine

Ooops! I thought we were “Team Awesome.”

Ooops! I thought we were best friends.

Ooops! I thought you’d be the last person on this godforsaken earth

who would draw the line between what’s yours and mine.

 

I hit a fucking deer, and totaled my car.

Sorry, I mean your other car.

So fucking sorry.

But yes, I’m okay.

If that even fucking matters.

 

“Don’t cry. This isn’t my fault!”

 

As if I’m supposed to accept the

venom

spitting from your mouth—

so what that I was driving after dark?!

I wasn’t aware I had a fucking curfew.

I had an accident, and you want to blame it on the hour.

You want to blame it on me.

That’s fine.

That’s just fucking fine.

I know now that I’m not allowed to be out after dark. In your other fucking car.

 

Be pissed at me all you want.

Just keep in mind that you’re not my ex-husband, and

I’m not the same woman I was when I was married to my ex-husband—

I don’t fuck around anymore. I know what I’m all about. And

I will fucking burn you if you insist on holding onto shit that was/is out

of my control.

 

I hit a deer, for fuck’s sake.

 

I gave you a free pass tonight because we have literally (yes, literally) never fought before over anything, ever. But, the way you spoke to me tonight reminded me of my ex-husband. And the tone of your voice made me afraid; the tone of your voice put me into defensive mode. I’m so fucking sad that you, of all people, made me feel anxious.

 

I can forgive you. But only this once.

 

Because I am a WARRIOR. And I can find my way with, or without you.

 

Never think for a minute that I depend on you.

33 thoughts on “I Hit a Dear with an Automobile Not Mine”

    1. What is so startling–what caused me to pause to a monument in utter wonder, was the HE was so angry. My HE. My Guy. Reminds me that I ultimately, am the only one who looking out for myself. I wanted to believe that Jim was above every other man I’ve been involved with. But he is not. And now I know how to play. It was learning curve, but now I know.

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      2. We have this unseemly combination of a penis and testosterone, it makes us all huge Bob’s every once and a while. Please forgive us, we know not what we do 😔

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  5. I’m glad we chatted. I’m MORE than glad you’re not hurt (even though your heart’s a little bruised). I hope that he’s ashamed of his shit behaviour and I more than hope that this doesn’t damage what you have. Jeffness is not contagious. Oldepunk’s right. Bobs or nobs, it will be a one off if you make it clear xx

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    1. I’ve been thinking about this (and you) all day. I know this is so out of character for Jim and I’m as surprised as you were at his overreaction. We’ve both been through shit, abusive relationships and if this was the situation I’d have told you to get right out of there, but it’s not, is it? I hope you fix this. ❤ you.

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      1. We talked, and we’re both feeling much better. Jim really is a wonderful husband. I’m feeling confident moving past all of this. Xo

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  6. I am glad you are ok. I’m even gladder that you didn’t have to use your blade. You ARE a warrior and you deserve respect no matter what might have happened. Things resolve on a daily basis that are out of our control. Material objects can be repaired/replaced…it should be celebrated that the perishable cargo remained intact!

    Much love, Lady. ❤

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  7. I hit a deer with a car not my own once too, but without such a horrible scene. It was a company (county agency, actually) car that my department had been using for a few years. When I limped it into the county motor pool, the guy there said they had written it off the books as junked more than a year ago. Anyway, I know how fast it can happen with no way to avoid. I’m sorry your guy turned into such a jerk and agree that he should only get a pass on that once, if that.

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