The Evolution of Nothing- Allane Sinclair

Passionate kissing with tongues and frantic fumbling, sneaky sex on the back seats of buses, I kid my teenage self that you can’t get enough of me

You romantic son-of-a-bitch

On beaches I inhale the briny air and battle the winds that fill my mouth with hair. Trying to enjoy the views, I see you heading for the dunes and know that this trip’ll end up with me picking spiky grass and gritty sand from my knickers again…

I despise you but I love you, fucker

I lie in fields with you as you have your way

too many times…

In beds I lay under you

and hand over my mouth you silence my sobbing, blade burning sharp on my skin bruised by your fists…

My dead eyes begin to search for familiar faces or saviours in the patterned wallpaper above your head, but they never come

You sleep too easily, fucker!

Shall I scare you awake like you’ve done to me? Shall I place a pillow over your face or press my fingers around your throat ’til your bulbous eyes pop open in fear?

Would you fight me?

And would I do time for you?

No way, fucker!

Image and writing courtesy of Allane Sinclair

I’m an artist, an illustrator, a photographer, a tinker, a tailor, a mother, a spy. I have certificates to prove that I am the first 3 things, but I’ve never been convinced that these should be important? In fact, I’m now sure they’re not. Being creative and kind and generous and funny and brave…they’re far more significant qualities, I feel.

If only these could pay the bills…

You can read more of my writing at SPO_OKY

16 thoughts on “The Evolution of Nothing- Allane Sinclair

  1. Allane, your writing style is unpretentious, and intelligent. Creative. This piece is layered with your strength. Your resolve is but one of the qualities I admire about you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Notwithstanding the nature of the writing on this site the promise of the opening words of ‘Evolution…” soon disappears as you reveal the deterioration of the relationship. You take your readers from the early naivete, through the attempted ignoring of the abuse and onto the brutal culmination of the writing, but just as you permit us to begin to believe in the existence of an escape you hit us with that strange feature of many abusive relationships: A strength to continue within but not yet enough to get out. Incredibly well crafted writing like this is a painful pleasure to experience.


    1. Shaun, I hardly think this is the place to dissect the words of our writers, or critique the style and word choice. To make assumptions as to what is/was going on inside the minds of those who were abused, or being abused is unacceptable. Blood Into Ink is not simply a platform for “creative writing,” though we do pride ourselves on featuring high caliber writers. Blood Into Ink runs deeper than poetry and prose.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I am so ashamed that I seem to have got it wrong again, and that my comment has added to the pain. It was truly never my intention to reduce such heartfelt words to a creative writing exercise. I read many single word comments conveying praise, and I don’t doubt the sincerity of those words, but I have been the recipient of such and as much as I valued that kind support it was the detail that really provided the help. They say the devil is in the detail, but I’m more inclined to believe that when a true understanding was conveyed back to me I benefited more. To me the detail was an analgesia rather than a plaster over my wound. Once again I humbly apologise for any offence given and I shall of course remove myself from this and similar platforms so as to not to add to anybody’s pain. Please forgive me.


      2. Shaun- No one is asking you to remove yourself from the forum. We are asking you to think carefully about the types of comments you leave. WordPress is not a college writing class or a writers workshop. I am surprised that you have found any writers on WordPress who are receptive to unsolicited advice on how to “fix” their writing. It is simply not the culture here. People are pouring out their hearts and souls and looking for kinship among other writers who are moved by their work. Relationships do develop where we find other writers who we admire, respect and trust whom we may decide turn to when we are struggling with a piece of writing, but that does not generally happen in the comments section. Blood Into Ink is a site where we are trying to change the perception of what trauma writing looks like and feels like. We are perfectly comfortable with making readers uncomfortable. Trauma is uncomfortable. Survival is not pretty. Reading writing that challenges our expectations and pushes us unexpected places can increase our self awareness and improve our writing. We are asking you to respect the WordPress culture and to be very aware of the line of honestly sharing your discomfort and dis-ease versus suggesting that a trauma survivor should make their truth more palatable to you.

        Liked by 3 people

  3. I agree with Kindra and Christine. Thank you for sharing your story with Blood Into Ink. This is and always will be a safe place to share your experiences without any assumptions or judgements on what is/has happened. You’ve written a powerful piece and I commend you on your strength to tell it.

    Liked by 3 people

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